Baboons

14/09/07

The highlight of the morning has been a suicidal pigeon hurling itself into the window opposite me in some kind of harikiri avian style.

I reckon there were three possible explanations for the pidgeon hurling itself headlong into reinforced glass:

1. It really couldn't cope with the daily grind of being a pidgeon and reckoned it would take its chances with reincarnation.

2. It really wanted to work for Axa and was trying to drop a CV in but thought the window was open.

3. It really fancied you and headed over to try out its best lines on you but didn't realise the glass was there.

What kind of lines do you think a pigeon would use? “Check out my manky feet?” & “Want to come & peck at some puke with me some time hot stuff?” And how could one reciprocate to such advances?!!

I think a pidgeon's most likely approach would be something like, "Hey sweet stuff, I know a great statue we can go crap on together sometime, or there's a guy down the street who's just finishing washing his car if you're up for it."

Either that or: "Hey did you know I carry 13 major infectious diseases."

I think a polite 'no thanks' or else making a sudden move or loud noise would be enough to spurn their advances.

I can’t believe I’m feeling mutinous on a Friday – must think of good things….badgers… monkeys…shiny things..humourous songs about Australians and cricket. . .small elves playing backgammon whilst wearing tennis visors & false moustaches…