Tuesday is the armpit of the week. I always hate Tuesday with a passion and would like to ban it. If I banned it, I would replace it with Swearsday. Swearsday would be a non working day; you would be able to swear at anyone you like as well as throwing spam at them. The wearing of false beards/moustaches/wigs would be encouraged, as well as trying to put as many hats on your head as possible.
On the hour, noted dignitaries would have to dance the hornpipe whilst garbed in clothes made from sweet corn, corrugated iron & cardboard for the amusement of the masses, the radio would play nothing but songs that involved the word “Booty”, re recorded into Pirate covers (except Professor Booty by the Beastie Boys as it is quite piratical anyway).
Free jelly would be doled out on street corners & each household would receive Rogers Profanisaurus Rex in the post to get the kids started young.
Of course, my idea of a good replacement for Tuesday could be construed as someone else’s idea of hell . . .
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