Only got your mail this morning – once again my colleagues were forced to watch me sniggering and getting no explanation for my constrained mirth this early on a Monday.
Was not Saint Bernard MacBreathmint their heir apparent to the Sultan of Wrigley? And then went on to bring the Juicy Fruit to the New World after the implosion of his collapsible cheesecake empire (which resulted from the use of substandard digestive biscuits & slightly sour cream cheese)? Reports in the press at the time were wildly inaccurate about the causes but the gentleman himself was heard to utter “those McVities b@stards”. . . I believe Captain Hepsibar Fretbucket has a portrait in the Royal Naval Gallery next to that of my Grandfather. He’s the one with the beard & the giant haddock attached to his ear. He was always partial to a bit of haddock.
On the subject of Shakespearean insults, my favourites are “Goats & Monkeys” & “O gull, O dolt” both from Othello respectively. I always though that Blackadder the 2nd caught the era quote nicely with it’s subtle blend of ruffs & sarcasm.
I think it’s very sad when family fall out over a dumpling. At least fall out over something good – like who killed who’s hamster/grandmother/sea monkeys. That would warrant a good scrubbing with Ajax or Vim, depending on your brand of choice.
On the acorn front, I actually managed to convince my brother’s girlfriend that in Totnes they didn’t use money & bartered with Acorns. I think she believed me for about a month.
Heron parking is always a bad idea as they are notoriously grumpy – otters can be quite surly as well if you catch them on an off day.
Now it’s time for Thought for the Day. . .
St. Bernard Mcbreathmint was indeed the heir apparent to the sultan of Wrigley, but after bringing Juicy fruit to the new world he was fired for tampering with boxes of rice crispies. Although it was never fully proven, the box of rice crispies testified and although it’s testimony was eventually stricken from the record for excessive use of the word ‘grappling’, the damage was done and St. Bernard’s career was effectively over, leaving him destitute and homeless in the Antarctic, with only his penguin butler for company. It was not the first time St. Bernard had encountered controversy, what with the collapsible cheesecake debacle only a few years before. The substandard digestives were the cause, but there were rumours at the time that he wizzed in the cream cheese as an experimental gelling agent.
Captain Fretbucket does indeed have a portrait as you described. Unfortunately his passion for haddock lead to his eventual extradition to Bolivia to face Haddock fondling charges – something which they take very seriously over there, despite the general sniggers of the jury throughout the proceedings. Sadly after he was aquitted and had his name cleared, his beard decided to start divorce proceedings, unable to handle the shame of association with an accused haddock fondler and now lives in an amish community in Pittsburgh.
My favourite Shakespearian insult is : “You have not so much brains as porridge”, although I’m buggered if I can remember where it’s from.
Good job with the acorn ruse…
One time I tried to park a red panda on double yellow lines and got a slap on the wrist, a tickle on the tum and a partridge in a pear tree that I can’t do anything with until Christmas.
Thought of the day:
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
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