Re: Re: Re: Re: And furthermore

First up we have a report from the Annual Bog Snorkelling championships being held in the town of Grunt in Norfolk. Pundits are penning the new champ of 2007 to be local lad Snorchit Baqckscuttler, 25.

Experts in the field have never seen a contestant with such pure wriggling ability and smooth strokes through the murky water. A local spectator commented “..that Snorchit, he’s got webbed feet he has. On account of his mum & dad being first cousins & his aunt actually being his grandmother see.”

The Bi-annual Martock Midget Toss went off without a hitch this weekend with a record breaking distance of 72 feet being recorded as the winning distance. The successful thrower, a one Roderick Badgerer was heard saying “I never knew a midget could be tossed that hard or that far”.

Thanks Ermintrude.

In other news, Prince Grak Thundercunt of Grebulonia has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs whilst trying to impregnate his wife, Princess Plwym. “I just needed a pep,” Said Prince Grak, “everyone is doing it, I don’t see why it’s causing such a problem.” The drugs in question are made from the fermented flesh of beetroots, Grebulonia’s main export, which accounts for fully 43.675% of the country’s gross national product and Prince Grak’s usage has decimated forecast beetroot crops by 67.85%. A spokeman for the palace commented, “It’s a well known fact that 83.975% of all statistics are made up on the spot.”

Several men were detained in the town of Thrump in Badgershire yesterday in connection with a spate of scarecrow sabotage that has had the town up in arms over the correct way to dress a scarecrow. The men are accused of putting blonde wigs and gingham frocks on several of the town’s scarecrows, along with handwritten signs attached to their backs that read, “Kiss me I’m pretty.” The mayor of Thrump, Mrs Betram Twunt-Handel – a blonde with a penchant for gingham, denies that she had slept with all of the detainees in 1987 during a cider festival in the town.

And finally tonight, here’s some delightful footage of a meercat in a cake. Officials at Fwangbury zoo are thinking of renaming him a “meercake”, which would be an improvement on it’s current name of Helen-Derek Bungcornet.